4 words: hood of his car
Im am drinking whisky alone in my parents basement. I think I just watched the point of no return stroll by.
A freshman just referred to Home Improvement as 'tim the tool man show'. People born after 1990 are not people.
he said he wants to do me james and the giant peach style. im afraid of what that means. but moderately excited. wish me luck.
FYI...Jose likes Shamrock shakes better than Jack
He makes me want to shower. It must be love.
I told him I wanted to "ride him like a show pony" I think he gets the picture
If the world ends now I want you to know I was on my favorite toilet fighting the good fight.
Who wouldn't want a man who can knock a guy out but also loves the bachelor.
It's the best of both worlds
He told me I look like a librarian today. I hope that means he has a librarian fetish or something
Disregard. He says he said I look "agrarian" today and just proceeded to compare me to Mumford and Sons. Fuck it, I'm going home and drinking
1. so the new neighbor u called dibs on.. I'm sorry..but not really. 2. She lactates, I guess that happens when you have a kid less then 5 months ago.... WTF!! 3. Is it fucked up I'm craving Ceral & Milk now?
dude, you ran into a window then asked ME what the fuck I was doing.
sober me needs to have more faith in drunk me.
Last night we proved the theory that "harder" is the worst rough sex safe-word ever.
omg last night while walking home from your house I stole a seatless bike and carried it into my next door neighbors kitchen.. we just looked It up online it's an antique and worth $500 dollars
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