What tipped you off? The sombrero?
Don't worry about it. I've taken so much Plan B, my uterus is purely for show now.
Just learned how to deliver a baby.the things i saw tonight can never be unseen
I've never seen so many strippers at a funeral...
First if all, whoever designed penis shaped ice cubes is clearly daring me to shove them up my vagina
surprisingly organic peanut butter is not the best chaser
I told him I would only take his calls if he was dead, dying, capturing a midget, or buying me shots.
I stand by my new policy.
Just took last nights make up off with a sock. That hungover.
if drunk means calling me and asking to borrow the game of life at 2am then I think you were drunk
YOU KNOW BRAZILIAN BOYS ARE MY WEAKNESS
I'm going to fake an anxiety attack to get to the front of the line. Save me some brisket.
ever bang a guy wearing an $800 suit? today you will.
I feel like this is something I should shave my legs for
You said "I'm not gonna waste my last condom on you" last night.
If it exists, I've probably pregamed it.
Last thing googled on my laptop last night was vagina chaffing. What the fuck?
Randomize
