also I just used a straw to drink the juice out of a tomato b/c I forgot how to bite.
I don't remember anything but yelling at the ref in Spanish.
Turned out the thing on the lampshade was a bloodstain, not a bedbug. We feel much safer now.
You told them that the brownies were safe, and then pointed to a passed out Ryan and said "see?"
Found the puke drawer
sounds like it. if it makes you feel better i blew up a $75000 farm tractor last night.
So which one of you fuckers changed my backgrounds while I was passed out to me holding a chicken like the statue of liberty?
I woke up the other day with my Google browser open to "DIY lip injections"... I also just received a vial of hyaluronic acid and a package of TB syringes from amazon. I'm down.
I will have no part of this.
He said he actually "met" me for the first time through a picture his housemate had of me, drunk and passed out in a pool of my own vomit, on the floor of his basement.
I just spilled my beer on a five year old. She's crying but I can promise you I'm more upset.
If you don't believe in my fighting skills, I don't know if we can be together
I've had my dick out in public way too much for someone my age...
I told him I wanted to fuck him and he hasn't texted me back in 4 days...am I missing something
You realized your blanket was a snuggie, spread your arms, and yelled "tonight I sleep like jesus!"
remind me again why we thought drinking hungarian moonshine was a good idea
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