i told him i was on my period. he said, and i quote "can we not just lay down some newspapers or something?"
i just threw up in a potted plant at home depot
Don't be a smartass. I'm trying to fuck a guy who's sober. It's more difficult than you think.
He thinks that since we have been dating six months, that he can do the helicopter with his penis. Not okay.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
lets just say that i have already today: gotten drunk, got in a fight, got stranded an hour away from home, found a ride, sobered up, and slept. woken back up, and here i am. its been a long day. Day drinking is bad for friendships.
some guy just burried his vomit in the sand.
if you didn' use the plastic sword on the cop. maybe this wouldn't have happened.
I have nothing to say for myself. When 2chainz comes on at the bar all bets are off.
Showed up physical therapy hammered. The therapist just says this isnt part of the program.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
exhale infront of a fan. self shotgun.
I just want to eat my penis shaped food in front of you and see how you feel about it.
The last person that asked me out got pushed down an escalator
My boss just texted me, clearly drunk, and said get down here pronto with a handle of rum, 50 lbs. of cold cuts, and a BB gun. This is not why I went to law school.
As a BFF it is your duty to answer when I drunk call you at 3 in the morning because I couldn't find a knife to cut that cake. I finally found one, fell asleep with it and the cake in bed. K thanks bye.
Of course he’s dumb. He’s got a 9 inch dick! There’s not enough blood in his body for a big dick and a big brain. It’s science
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