Do you think they'll have a special part during the BET awards for Michael Jackson even though he turned white?
FYI: Do not ever call any girl a thundercunt as a form of dirty talk.
It was like the Ritz Carlton of jails. I got introduced to our criminal system the right way.
im spending all my christmas money on new years parafanalia aka things I will ingest or lose by the next morning
so how was last night?
got high and had our usual talk about the definition of cole slaw. then tried to call the ramen noodle company and convince them why my face should be on thier packages.
Is it weird that out of everything, Im most worried about chipping a tooth on his prince albert?
Why is there blood and lettuce everywhere?
Would you be offended if I asked you to smoke a blunt with me while I pooped?
took adderall before wrapping presents, ended up making paper snowflakes for two hours
We are going to the humane society and getting you microchipped so you don't get lost on your birthday. Either that or your getting a child leash
Also I played a weird game of chicken in the ladies room at work between myself the person pooping 2 stalls over and a very determined maintenance man.
Maybe one day we'll get unicorn butt tattoos together
Want to do me the honour of waxing my legs again before I go to Mexico? I feel like it's a tradition we shouldn't break.
He called me saying he got nice rims for his car so now we can fuck in style
You don't know the true meaning of fear until your girlfriend's niece insists on sitting on your lap with 20 mg of Viagra coursing through your veins.
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