Do I have a sign around my neck that says "SWM desperately seeking ultra-plus-size woman that likes everything I do"? I swear they're organized
No, but you do have a sign around your neck that says "Free cupcakes."
I know it may not be fiscally responsible to pregame fifty cent night, but I'm gonna go ahead and do it anyway.
Ok, but If I make this happen, my first born son gets to fuck your first born daughter
How did a couple beers and monopoly turn into a bottle of vodka and throwing eggs at eachother in the kitchen?
we were bear claw grabbing his crotch in the middle of the bar yelling prominent ridge over and over.
thats it. im teaching my cat how to use a fire alarm
This is like the time you took a picture of your knees and told him it was your tits, isn't it?
The maintenance guy says happy birthday. Also, he likes your penis balloon.
You told us that you don't have to wait in line at Taco Bell. Then, drove up to the window and grabbed someone else's food.
what better way to celebrate the birth of jesus christ than to get embarrassingly intoxicated and make poor decisions!?
40 year old guy made out with me last night while I had French fries in my mouth
I think my teeth are moving, they feel like people.
Had weird bad dreams about you last night. Please tell me you didn't google my real surname and that you don't go to a needle exchange.
ANNA YOU PEED ON THE STREET. LIKE NOT EVEN SUBTLY. YA JUST SQUATTED IN THE MIDDLE OF THE HIGHWAY. And you flashed your tits to oncoming vehicles to try to get them to pick us up
It's only just- an eye for an eye, a tooth for a tooth, a nude for a nude
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