You dirty dirty liar I like the way you twitter
YOU CAN MICROWAVE POPTARTS!?!??!
i'll give you all the meat in my fridge in exchange for 2 condoms.
These old people don't even realize they're giving me weed money for shoveling snow.
do you know what somber means? it's kinda the opposite of a kegstand
Definitely almost got hit in the face with a baby
You broke a cabinet. You were climbing up it and it collapsed on you. Lines were crossed.
Three questions... How drunk were you? How long until we can make fun of you for this? Do you even really need a spleen?
Shes sitting on the front porch puking in to the pumpkin she just carved...in the rain. I guess pumpkin spice tequila shots wasnt our best idea.
Decided in my tanked state last night purchase 2 weeks worth of xanax, so I can guess my way thru this week and finals. Soberly, I decided it would be a great way to test my knowledge of finance.
Well. Your father was, shall we say, privately surfing the Internet when he found a video of you and Kevin. This was on a very public website honey.
By the way, Kevin! OMG good catch honey!
He yelled "HOO-ah!" like Al Pacino when he pulled down his pants. Trust me, he has every right to.
Where are you and why are you fighting with a bird?
it's like i'm your dad, but instead of reminding you to bring your lunch to school i remind you to take a good long hit from your bong.
I thought I was drunk because I kept grabbing his arm instead of his dick
But then I realized it wasn’t his arm and that I was very lucky
Randomize
