she's just sitting in a corner ripping all of the filters off her menthols
My parents just told me I first got drunk when I was 4. Successsssssss
Even if he doesn't call, at least I can say i fucked a mascot.
We just found a knife wedged in between the cushions on the couch you guys fucked on...why is this?
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I'll never be able to have sex on these sheets. I'd have to cover up the eyes of every single Elmo.
You were running around waving the flier in everyone's face and thats how we ended up in a church eating free breakfast tacos at 3 am
Be my booze princess bebe. I'll rescue you from the lame tidings you are confined to up in the sober castle.
We don't have paper towels so I microwaved a spinach/egg sandwich thingy wrapped in toilet paper. Toilet paper. so that's how my day started.
Had to drive my booty call home because he had an asthma attack after we had sex .. How was your night?
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she walked through the crowd, completely naked, slapped a pool attendant in the face and stole the towel he was carrying. she used it to dry her hair.
Okay, maybe filling water balloons with vodka was not our best idea.
TJ is going to paint me in a Patriots Jersey he can paint you in an eagle jersey. Did this last year and got so much dick.
Remind me to tell you about this weekend with them. It was the least fun I have ever had drinking. And I have thrown up pork and beer through my nose on the side of the freeway.
You know, normal sex stuff involves shitting your pants. If you do it right.
All I heard was "sit on my face" "okay" and muffled screaming. I'm still disappointed.
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