dude i feel like shit
well u did eat a lot of play-doh
it's like her boobs came off with her bra
No one knows who he is but he hasn't missed a shot in beer pong yet. He's dressed as lance armstrong and is tearing shit up.
If you would give me the chance we might have the two separate pieces of the greatest fuck puzzle ever.
in my defense i said 'lock up your wives' before going out.
Sorry for locking you out after accusing you of eating my Skittles... I realized I was mistaken after just throwing up the rainbow.
He got a slutty, ugly mother of a 7 year old, and I got a dog that only sleeps and shits on clean clothes. No one won in this break up.
Watching him is like watching a star slowly implode
You tried to bite my nipple like 3 times
NAh son
Just general bites
Hooked up with a guy resembling a bearded Cher. I need the lenses on my beer goggles fixed. Pronto.
How do I carry myself in a way that says "I swallow"?
Nothing says "back to school" like walking in the first day with a hangover
Plus you get to call him out on being a dick. It's more satisfying than ever sex I've ever had.
I don't think you understand I turned down McDonalds for you.
Just woke up to the cat unconscious on my stomach, his face between my tits, purring to bring down the walls. I'm endeared and horrified at the same time.
Randomize
