I don't think I can get bothered with getting laid tonight
I dont need to watch it. And stop comparing your life to Entourage.
this girl literally referred to her butthole as her "back pussy"
she had a pic of herself in a bikini as the wallpaper on her iPhone... I'm sensing a Tyra banks kinda girl. shit.
He was in me and said I can't believe this happened because of facebook. MOOD KILLER.
I tried to fuck this guy who I'm pretty sure has an erectile dysfunction
You tried to convince me you were sober by doing jumping jacks. For an hour.
Woaahhhh there! We are JUST drunk fucking. Don't call me "baby".
come home. i made deep-fried hotdogs; don't let me die alone.
He asked me the next morning if he fell asleep inside of me. Drunk is an understatement.
She answered the door wearing a basket, said it was the only clean thing she had.
By the way I can not feel my vagina. It's like it's asleep. What the hell did you do?
Drunk me wants sober me to be happy, woke up with half a dozen doughnuts in my bed this morning.
How high are you rn
Well I just ate a cheesecake straight from the box with a fork and now I’m laying upside down in a recliner chair seeing if I can Uber eats Doritos
So not that high
Have you considered murder?
Other than my credit score and this bowl of oatmeal, not really. It's very messy
Randomize
