The first thing on our $10,000 damage bill was "condoms in the main drain"
I don't know where I am but the food in the fridge is awesome.
Is there a card that says "Sorry I got drunk at your Christmas party and tried to steal your monogrammed hand towels so that I could give you something nice for Christmas"?
Well it went from being a hug to a straight out tackle through the back door.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i sat alone in my bed and ate pizza and garlic fingers. The icing on the cake was hearing your moans from down the hall.
I think I reached optimum potential when I summersaulted straight into a kiddie pool.
No, earlier you attempted Jenga with everyones shoes.
He told her hed rather go bobbing for apples in puke than have sex with her.
He knew exactly who I'd slept with after just one look at my crotch. He's like the Sherlock Holmes of cocks.
2nd year in a row being a arrested before school starts...tradition at its finest
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Still not over the fact that we prayed to Jesus to help us win beer pong
I SHOULD NOT BE HAVING AN EXISTENTIAL CRISIS OVER PIZZA
A seagull just tried to steal my cellphone
It's your birthday, you should get to jizz where you want to. Jizz when you want tooo
AMAZON SELLS SEX SWINGS!
Any who, I expect to be showered with roses apon my arrival
How about beer and nachos?
A fine substitute!
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