her nipple to breast ratio was just odd
Well, emily woke up in Hoboken, cati woke up in jersey city, and i woke up in brooklyn....and our hotel room we rented in the city remained empty. Best birthday yet.
I just pooped in his toilet and didn't flush...I desperately need to get him past the girls don't poop phase.
It was fun until I shot a pea out of my nose while throwing up. Left over tuna casarole at 3Am was a terrible choice.
Even Lady Gaga hates Purdue
What are the signs of a concussion? Please don't freak out.
Learned a valuable life lesson last night. It's titled "Tequila: Still A Bad Idea".
walk of shame this morning involved walking through the in-home daycare that she runs while it was full of kids. judgemental little shits. on a plus, got a juice box and a graham cracker for the walk home.
You never cared about felonies while buying me alcohol from the little Asian woman across the street
Dude. Some drunk chick just put an Aussie hat on me and was screaming at me in German. Her friends had to drag her away. Point being, I now have a cool hat.
You carried me up the stairs after I told you not to. And what did you tell me? "Let me test my strengths."
No matter how drunk I am or how drunk I'll ever be I love you
Okay, maybe filling water balloons with vodka was not our best idea.
Can you please come in my room and pour water in my mouth? Too hungover to move. btw who is this guy in my bed? Can't see his face. Cute?
I farted in the parking garage and it echoed.
Randomize
