It's amazing how much jurassic park has contributed to my life recently
my 3 year old cousin just woke up screaming "IT WON'T GO DOWN!'
i can't wait to kiss dudes with my vampire teeth in.
went to the gyno and found out that i have a birthmark on my clit. its like god gave guys a little help when it comes to getting me off.
I just had my first experience getting hit on by a guy. It was really awkward, he touched my chest and invited me to a gay bar because "women get drunk and let their guard down at gay bars"
thats actually pretty good logic
he drove an hour to get eggs with me not even a blow job, just eggs.
I just need to go to a bar tonight wrapped in an American flag singing the national anthem
Now I can say "look me up on Pornhub."
I totally straight up jacked your pants. I am so sorry.
still not dressed at 5:00, jacking off watching men's figure skating and hoping my weird roommate doesn't walk in. anybody who says idk how to have fun is wrong
There is resin on and IN the refrigerator. Its even on the food. My god, what happens to you?
If Denver makes it to the Super Bowl I'll quit drinking. So I'm pretty much stocking up on booze
This morning we had sex while he was wearing a full length fur jacket and sunglasses... I wasn't even phased
I'm with the cops, Trish's gay husband stabbed himself and is framing her for attempt of murder and I'm dressed 4 the club I'm wearing leather pants leather jacket leather boots and black club top. Embarrassed
Had a job interview today. Walked into the room and said "IT'S GO TIME, BITCHES".
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