She was like a white Oprah, but with less conviction.
Hold my feet while i lean out of the window of the truck.
Just so you know you don't have to worry about me picking up any guys tonight. The Hilton is hosting guests from the North American Gay Volleyball Association and the Comic Palooza
My booty call just moved 2 min from my house
This has pregnancy written all over it
thank you for extending my knowledge of the effects of vodka. speak of what happened last night and i will kill you and send your fingers to your loved ones.
Breaking into his house to steal the sheets I'd drunk pissed on before he got home was not how I wanted to be spending spring break
HELP! How do I get paint off the dog?
She literally took off her shirt and ran out of the bar. When she ran back she smashed into the glass door with her face....That's got to be the best way to celebrate your 30th.
My cat just smacked my blunt from my hand and then put her head in my hand. I don't know how to feel
You threw up at the outdoor bar and it was pretty...astonishing just how much can come out of such a small human.
3 words: harry potter burlesque. My life is so much more awesome than yours right now.
I told him I wanted to get on him and ride him to Montana. It didnt end like i thought it would.
walked into my room this morning clutching two empty bottles of sminoff to find my roommate's ultra conservative parents staring at my posters of naked men. fuck parents weekend.
Ran into my FWB on my walk of shame and went back to her place. Even my walk of shames are awesome!!!
You fucked him, didn’t you?
He showed up at my house with tacos, rum and a negative Covid test. Of course I fucked him. I’m just a simple girl that likes tacos, not Margaret Thatcher!
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