i woke up naked with 27 half ripped $ bills in my bed from ripping them off the wall of the bar
you finished all 5 burgers, started crying tears of joy, and then claimed the tears were actually just 'meat sweats' from your eyes
and when he finished he handed me a baby wipe so i could clean up. i'm ok with the fact that he has kids, but not sure how to react to this.
He's 11. You dont draw dicks on 11 year olds, i dont care if he ate your lasagna
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
1 month til my stepdad becomes a u.s. citizen, so if you want to get in on the divorce pool its your last chance, $5 a square.
We didn't have beer, so we played mini-beer pong with shots and frozen peas.
About to see some guy and give him a glance that tries to express how sorry i am for blowing his friend while he was getting a BJ in the same room
Status Uddate: I lost half a tooth and Alison is taking Amy Grant requests via bullhorn
I found you laying in the kitchen with a bottle of vodka and a slice of bologna on your face. You said you were having a spa day.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
SOMEONE has to puke in the potted plants at an Xmas party. As their boss I felt it should be me.
Just got offered a dog by two Meth head's one of which wasn't wearing shoes and continually saying "fuck"
I had to ask. I mean when you get a snap chat of a nipple you have to ask who's it is.
It's like that thing with the devil and the angel except one shoulder has orgasms and the other has stuffed crust pizza and depression.
She made me a smoothie in the morning.. It was vodka and fruit.
We figured you were on something when you said that your nipples couldn't hear the music.
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