She has some nice fakeys. She is also an exotic entrepreneur.
anyone who says 'i love you' and then followed by 'im going to call the cops if you touch me' doesnt really mean the first part fyi
he is literally lying on the floor eating cookies. doing nothing. and as i was hitting him he needed to protect the cookies more than himself.
well, if it werent for her you wouldnt have gotten a handjob in the middle of the bar. so, maybe you should thank her too.
Well he paid for dinner, so I paid for the Plan B, but the parking ticket I got is totally his responsibility.
If I interpreted our horoscopes correctly...you should be coming home with an 8 ball. Just saying.
you don't know true fear until you are a convinced that velociraptors are trying to kill you through your roof.
This guy punched out a light, puked in the sink, stole the mailbox, then tried to tell ME that I had to leave the party... Then his dog shit on the floor.
I think I'm drunk at the airport. Oh the possibilities
There are more dirty dishes in my bed then in the kitchen. Have I lost at life?
I've woke up with the same hoodie on backwards, twice this week. I think that's a record
I never forget a pussy, even blackout me gives me that memory.
Because my vagina is Ellis Island. All foreign penises must be presented for inspection and competency. God bless America.
So help me God.... if he sends me a dick pic.... I will make it so he has to eat food through a tube in his nose and poop into a bag by his belly button
Yea and there’s destruction when we’re together, mostly of our livers but W/e
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