I may or may not have just irish jigged at a bar. And broken out in a sweat from it. Not a good sign for that marathon yo.
Dude. I just woke up without a shirt or bra on. Apparently I fell asleep with a quesadilla in my mouth. I can feel my liver hating me.
Dude, just got a bummer.
What??
A blow job from a homeless chick.
Do you ever make guys send you dick pictures just cause it's hilarious?
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If he doesn't notice me by the next party, i'm just gonna go up to him and pll his pants down and blow him.
Sounds like a plan.
he saw my boobs and came all over himself... there goes my whole night.
I have a plus one for the Blackout Express, should I pen in your name?
He asked me where I wanted it. I told him in the condom. He stops mid thrust and says "you're no fun" and then blew. Chivalry is semi dead.
Apparently you can coat check a keg.
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sorry
why?
oh you didn't look in the living room yet, did you?
I need to think of the best way to tell this boy he's not getting his pants back
Bartenders are not toys. I repeat, bartenders are not toys.
The teenager outdrank all of us. All. Of. Us. I woke up and she was getting everyone water and fruit snacks. I give up.
Kick open the door, strike a pose, steal a boyfriend, end scene.
Is it weird that I'm smoking a cig on my back patio in a sports bra and underwear?
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