I just caught Brandon licking the fake chocolate on a smores ornament
Just wrote a paper about alcohol abuse that sounded like my weekend...
you fucking puked into the top of the beer bong while i was chugging from it. when i realized i was chugging your vomit, i vomitted on the floor. she kicked us both out.
We just had to use a designated driver to get to night class.
You are the only person I know who got away with wearing a turtleneck while getting laid. ONLY person.
Hah no, But it might feel like water boarding to my soul
This stranger told me I should "start playing for the other team" and then continued to talk to me about the joys of being a lesbian
You called me at 3 am and I rode my flat ass bike that I dug out of my garage in the dark to meet you at dunkin donuts for a 10 minute convo about your mother and you didn't drive me home.
you owe me a blunt and a bottle of moscato.
IM WAITING BITCH. ANSWER ME.
All I do lately is eat steak, drink warm beer, watch porn, and avoid booty calls when I'm too lazy to take a shower. I think the apocalypse turned me into a dude.
New Mean Girls drinking game: Everytime someone says Africa or Math, chug.
I never thought my Saturday night would end up with someone crawling around my carpet for 3 hours trying to pick up spilled coke...
I never thought my Saturday night would end up with ME crawling around your carpet for 3 hours trying to save my investment.
There they were doing the deed on the beach, looked like two seagulls fighting over a chicken bone.
i want george washington to fuck me as hard as he can holy shit
I should've left when he told me that he only smoked crack by accident once
All I recall is being at the strip club doing dark rum shots and then puking a question mark on the wall above the garbage can in the men's room and having diarrhea in the sink. 6th drunkest I've ever been without blacking out.
Randomize
