you rearended a car with your bike and then puked all over his back windshield. They made BUI's for you.
His dick might not be the answer to my problems, but I'm definitely ok with testing it as a possible solution.
You spend 45 minutes trying to convince that pregnant girl you were with all night to have sex with you cause 'the worst had already happened.'
My dad walked in on me masturbating in my own apartment.....my own apartment!!
I showed remarkable dignity in such a compromising situation. Except I came off as sort of a blue ball giver.
I may have farted on a group of children. It may not have been an accident.
This weekend i learned three things 1) skittles in vodka is good 2) it takes more than a roll of quarters to get a cab home 3) never tell a bartender to give you your change in actual change
It was like the devil him self busted his red hot satanic nuts all over my face and burned my eyes out of my innocent sockets.
Don't know why you're always hating on relationships. I've had chocolate pancakes accompanied by a blowjob and a blunt and it's not even 9 am. Time for mid morning shower sex. Enjoy your morning bong bowl alone asshole
Was so drunk I had to masturbate face up cuz I thought I was gonna be suffocated by the pillows.
Yeah, but she is forever sending my vagina on some sort of mission.
If you get home and there is an older woman there, its my mom. She wants to come and see the place after work. Just an FYI. Not the older sluts I bang.
If there aren't any tits where you are, you're doing it wrong.
Can't. I'm doing shots with my mom.
Who is naked dude in the kitchen?
Randomize
