she has a tiny mouth but huuuge vocal chords
..i think i can hear you losing your virginity
I just saw a girl walking up the hill with a little red wagon full of booze... I want to be in her study group.
I made out with the bride. You tell me how my night was
You are the worst substitute drug dealer ever
The cop was more concerned with the fact I had cowboy boots on with shorts than the fact we were under age
I can feel the fear and stress bubbling in my stomach. Or maybe that is the pregnancy.
I feel like all of the victims from Seven. Best birthday weekend ever.
I whipped my shit out and she just stared at it with a mean face. It was like a face off in a heavyweight boxing fight.
trust me, you don't know shame until you're in a peacock costume getting CPR by random dudes
The cleaning lady has a form she makes me sign every time she finds me passed out in my office so she can keep track of how much to charge me each month for keeping quiet about it.
The minute he showed me his Mumford and sons tattoo is the minute i could literally feel my pussy dry up
I was just drinking but now I'm drinking and chasing with red bull. I call this "getting ready for work"
Um..... I have taste. The only thing I am going to bedazzle is my vagina.
He sided with his father, so I slashed his tires. I’d say that’s a fair trade.
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