you shoved the noah's ark of animal crakers in your mouth saturday.
I'm wearing an NBA shooting sleeve while jerking off...and yes my arm has stayed warm
buying my parents vodka for Christmas is like buying a normal person socks.
There needs to be a crayon color for how blue my balls are
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Having a vagina does not stop me from believeing my balls are bigger than yours.
Some girl just walked passed me, said "fuck yeah!" and is now crawling up the stairs
It is a sign that I need a fresh start when Kelly Clarksons new album tells the story of my life.
Do you think next time you could control the yawn? Kind of a buzzkill to be mid-orgasm and see you yawning over there.
I mean jail does seem alright, all the free broth you can eat.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The appetizer at the dinner I went to tonight was Klonopin and a Bloody Mary.
I apologize that you just fell victim to my random thought of how to make a blow job come to life via emojis.
AND ONCE AGAIN, MY VAGINA HAS STRUCK AGAIN. HER PLANS TO TAKE OVER MARYLAND ARE WELL ON THEIR WAY AS SHE CONTINUES TO ENGULF EVERY QUEER IN A 10 MILE RADIUS
you know what? fuck you, fuck your nana, and ESPECIALLY FUCK THE BLACKHAWKS.
I remember reading the word "lift" so I did. The alarn went off, and I thought to myself "what dumbass pulls the fucking fire alarm?" and then I realized it was me...
I'm about to go get lunchables and alcohol. Take that adulthood
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