you did pass out in the elevator last night, so it could be motion sickness
Hypothetical question: If I threw up in the dishwasher do I clean it up or just turn it on? :(
I told you it's awful. It looks like he was eating honey at a barbershop and tripped.
day 8: i just gave goat a piece of pineapple soaked in rum. as an animal science major, im ashamed. as a normal person, it was awesome.
I jerked off enough times today to safely commit to the fact that im not getting laid tonight
I'm too tired to go all the way tonight, especially if you're going to quote Katy Perry at me during
did you seriously make the punch out of vodka and food coloring
Guys, I'm sleeping in the BOYNTON LAUNDRY ROOM. if you can, come let me out in the morning as I have no keys. I might be in the study room possibly. DON'T FORGET. I will be trapped
I tried to discuss modern art with a cab driver after explaining that I only had one shoe on b/c a pitbull ate the other one. Wtf. Call me when you can.
I have bruises all over from falling so much last night, I even have bruises on my arms from them picking me up off the street.. Oh vodka nights.
I say I hate my boss but I find myself jerking off to him more and more with each passing day
well all i have to say, besides fuck you, is YOU try assembling ikea shelves while high on molly.
I love that my family celebrates every holiday with a joint. Chanukah? Mazel-juana! Easter? What's more spring than the color green? Election day? What better way to celebrate democracy in action than medical pot?
I woke up with an empty beer bottle in my slipper and a note that said "it just wants to be warm"
really enjoying the fact I don't remember how the staff party ended. feel like I need to shame drink today
feel at noon?
Randomize
