Here's a fun fact your kittens ate my vomit last night
Call me back. I want to hear your side of the dead cat in my garage story.
Do you think this abandoned cigarette has herpes? cuz I'm tempted.
who do I fuck, the girl waiting for me upstairs or her roomate making me mac and cheese right now?? This is the single hardest decision I've always wanted to have to make
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We had a complete conversation while I was giving him head, at one point he even stopped me and said 'I love how we're just hanging out.'
should we take a power nap before our cocaine gets here?
You act like this is the first time i've fingered two 17 year olds at the same time
We're celebrating his weight gain and arrest.and by we I mean I, and by celebrating I mean getting dangerously drunk
Drunkkker than when I told the drag queen she was prettier than me
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I love her to death but its like you have to do 5 lines of coke to be on her level.
he went at my nipples like a starved dog.
Totally uneven. One tiny pussy lip that almost didn't exist and one giant lip that unfurled liked 5 different times half way down her leg and could have been used to hoist the mainsail on a pirate ship.
You don't know how badly I want to just hold you as a soup spoon holds a bisque
I just tinder matched with a blue angels pilot. I need to make out with him. For America.
He's the one named Andrew. In his profile picture he is the one on the right in the monkey costume.
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