she was like a sexier Rosie O'Donnel
Dating a girl 4 years younger than you is like living in a Taylor Swift song...
In the hospital waiting to be tested for the first uti of the school year....I'm BACK BTICHES.
FYI, when you wake up, please note that I puked in your shoes because I sstubbed my tooee, not becus I was drunk.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just did the math. 30.36% of girls I've slept with have cheated on a significant other while doing it.
Pretty sure I just heard the turkey yell "don't put me in there" as it was going in the oven. way too high for this holiday.
You were buying shots for everyone, saying, "I got a tax refund. I'm a MILLIONAIRE."
My liver just had a heart attack.
Bake him heart shaped cookies?!? Send him a picture of your tits like an ADULT!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
These bubbles make my penis feel like it is resting on clouds.
He's in grad school at Harvard. I suppose that means my vagina is now smarter than I am.
Would you consider masturbating to Hocus Pocus an adulthood high or low?
Gonna be late for work. Sex comes first. Priorities.
I’m home.
I’m aware. I just dropped you off.
See I just want a dick that I don`t have to deal with or talk to unless it is inside me. Is that so much to ask for?
Randomize