8am blowjobs give a whole new meaning to morning breath..
Im so ripped right now that i just filled the almost empty bottle of choc syrup with milk and drank it straight out of the bottle. It was on pointttttt.
dude, there's a fucking musical in my head. it's fucking awesome being this high.
I can't believe you're fucking in the bar bathroom, but everyone else can, and they're really proud.
Just coerced a Santa to buy me a handle. Tis the season.
I had a dream about a turtle sitting on top of a horse skull. I'm certain its a symbol for my dead sex life. Trust me.
I got concerned once i realized you weren't there to hear us having sex. See I do worry about you.
I just want brownies and waffles and someone to lick my tits
We split an eighth of shrooms and went ice fishing. It didn't get weird until I caught one and we both started crying.
Why put me through the conflicting battle of being happy for your vagina but sad for my vagina for no reason ahole
i need to put some appletini on your dick
fuck you I'm eating salad I can't be drunk.
I JUST SAW MY THERAPIST OUTSIDE OF WORK AND I DONT KNOW THE ADULT THING TO DO
at this point I think you're judging my taste in men
I swear I'm not
It's okay, I'm judging my taste in men
I get dinner and bf perks from the one guy. But dick with no commitment from the other. I’m living my best life.
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