Apparently I farted on her in my sleep. Then, just to be sure she was cool, I did it again on purpose and she didnt say anything. So, WIN?
two more shots til everyone in this club gets to see my cesarean scars.
are any of them hardcore sluts...just absolute worthless human beings? if not the paper wins
i've decided that sluts are like cars. they may look good as hell on the outside, but you never know what kind of shit is hiding under the hood.
Whatever, its basically a crime against humanity to miss an andre power hour so she'll get what's coming to her.
It's an "im going to have to shit with the lights off" type of morning
I was wearing the shirt my little sister got for her birthday when the condom broke. I finally have it back to her and told her it was bad luck
she's like a sexy human version of my cat. i can't catch her, and she keeps throwing up in the corners.
I feel like the only way to get him to stop is by telling him i'm tired from fucking our other friend every night this week
Let me get this straight, you're telling me to lower my standards? Even though last week you told me I don't have any..?
So just what does one wear when attending a sex toy party with ones mother-in-law?
Jeans and a nice top.
I tried to prevent a bar fight. By convincing a guy whacked out on Molly to slap the ass of everyone who was arguing and shout "WOO" each time. I'm proud, surprised, and intrigued that it calmed everyone down so quickly...
I just want to eat Taco Bell and throw it up on his doorstep.
They were supposed to legalize it when there was a chance someone might actually propose to me. I'm appealing this bullshit.
Dude she literally licked him. He was covered in cheese and in her high state what else was she gonna do?
Randomize
