dude, mark had the least successful cab ride in history last night. took a cab to the bars, stopped at every atm in the city, none worked, then had to come back to the party to beg for 20 to pay the taxi that officially took him nowhere.
He's telling me stories about how he made out with a 14 yr old when he was 22. I'm going home.
why is it whenever you puke in the park there are always little kids on the swings?
I didn't want to talk to him so I just started telling him how important Jesus was to me
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
there seems to be a considerable amount of hair missing from my left hand. i may have lit it on fire again
Excuse me but the alley way I wanted to fuck in happens to be a very nice clean area.
Carrying your RA back to her room wasn't the conclusion I was expecting for the first thursday back
I'm hungover as hell. I'm dying. I have no skin left on my knees
He said you stopped mid-fuck, called fives on his dick, walked out to grab another drink, and came back.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Today, my boyfriend informed me that I look like my dad when I orgasm
Got cut off last night cuz this chick had her hands down my shorts and was blatantly playing with my dick while I was trying to order. apparently that's "frowned upon"
A homeless man just offered me vodka. The power it took to deny it deserves an award.
next time you go get food at three am and leave a rando here can you warn me??? Also i tazed him. but it was just my little one so i think he'll be fine. bring me some fries.
Also I think I set a new personal record. Definitely slept with him less than 45 minutes after meeting him. Oh god my life.
The gift for sixth anniversary is steel. He bought me handcuffs. Inee I married the right man!
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