I feel like I've been hit by a train. I woke up this morning covered in wine, free condoms, and a sign language dictionary.
don't read that magazine bro. I came in it
i just unintentionally masturbated to my own facebook picture
So I guess I passed out face first on the ground while trying to grill last night
I'm scared at the amount of beastiality in this conversation.
judging by the pasta sauce and dirty pans i spent my blackout being emeril
Most likely. calling 911 isnt usually something i do the first time i hang out w. someone, but hey. its a good story now.
Hahah what did you even say to him?!
That I was gonna inflate his vagina with a leaf blower?
Oh.
The golf course isn't that incognito for sex.
I shaved my pussy for you. If you complain about a single hair that I missed again, you will be greeted by a bush the next time you go down on me and i will MAKE YOU KEEP GOING
You told me you were with a dog dressed as a taco, and it was the only one you trusted
Why are there four guys spooning on the living room floor?
They're still there? Shit. They were supposed to leave after they hugged it out.
I think I was just recruited to join a religious lesbian cult by these 3 really pretty girls and I'm tempted to join
woke up hungover this morning lying in a water raft covered in water.. i dont know if i should consider this good or bad
I need to start dating older women. We tried sexting and she used more emojis than actual words. It was so bad that I did the math...her messages were 54% emoji. No one should make me feel this old when I'm only 28.
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