I wish there was a facebook app that filtered my notifications to show only the ones having to do with people who'll fuck me.
We just walked into this party and immediately got handed a grilled cheese sandwhich....
Had sex to a Lionel Richie song. I have a feeling I was conceived to it. Finally reached full circle.
can you look at this picture and tell me if you think this my kid?
She was either really drunk or really not interested. Everytime I tried to ask her about herself she would respond with a line from Stepbrothers.
So, I was thinking... Since this restraining order doesn't go into affect until monday, that leaves us 5 days to wreck his world.
He gave me a trycicle he stole from a kid as an "offering" to have sex. I couldnt say no when he went through all that.
She sneezed like 10 times, put her head down on the table and then laid down on their couch and fell asleep. In the middle of the dominoes game. I'll never understand why my dad continues to provide my mom wine.
Just saw some lesbians get in a fistfight in an Arby's parking lot. It's good to be home.
So I can confidently say that I'm the only 3rd year engineering student who completed all 4 of their exams with One Direction pens
Not sure what time I'll be home. I'm currently topless and the damn stripper won't give me my clothes back
He and his ex stood there talking about going to get Chinese food while I was half naked searching for my panties
My six-margarita-deep ass just used a blow torch to light the match that lit my bong pack. Peak single 🤦ðŸ¼â€â™€ï¸
These girls next to us are doing shots called bath salts. Sadly this is the classiest bar I've been to since i moved to PA
He just kept going down on me. And he was all like, do you mind? No motha fucka, who would? All of his ex's, apparently. Whatever, he's a gem and I'm keeping him.
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