I'm going to jail i love you
I like waking up with a slight hangover cause I'm dehydrated and it makes me feel thinner.
all you did was keep googling "what time is it" over and over and over
I'm going to rise like a phoenix out of the drunken, shameful ashes that were last weekend.
I just got a standing ovation when i made it to work on New Years Day. good thing?
there is mayo everywhere what the fuckkkk
im getting coffee to go get coffee.
Im throwing up in my trash can so I can go throw up in the toilet. We're basically on the same level.
Ohhh,that's true. Babies are only fun when you're high. Otherwise, they're the worst kind of people.
She kept pulling joints out of her bra and asking strangers for birthday hugs.
Y'all best leave this "I can only have a couple drinks" shit at the door. U don't drive to Yukon to have a shot. I'm getting u fuckers drunk.
Just realized Ive never seen my f buddy in the daylight. What if he looks different?
pretty sure I blew his mind with the sex last night. He repaid me with a five minute conversation about power rangers.
I feel like there's def a learning curve to the sex swing
Can I just go naked and covered in glitter?
I mean, what's the polite way to say, "sorry but I can't date you cuz I'm sleeping with your boss" ??
Randomize
