Just had a conversation with Jon gosselin
Until you fuck him in front of his kids stop wasting my time with stupid texts.
I wish i could go to google and type in drug dealers and it would bring up a number, a product and direction
dudes here are drinking wine, and not in the forgivable 'just doing this to get laid' way
just fucked my old babysitter, gotta love block parties
The stripper told me she had been working there for eight years, then got mad when I asked if she was trying to make it into mangment. Awkwardest lap dance
Apparently, I woke him up at 4AM, and yelled "you're mad because we don't have sex," while grabbing his dick. Then immediately fell back asleep, dick in hand.
She tried to cook Velveeta IN the oven on clean mode.
I'll be there in 10. I need you naked and ready. Warm up.
I need to make a new year's resolution to only pee in toilets. And it needs to start happening before the new year.
He made me brush his hair afterwards because it made him feel like a ken Barbie.
God I hope the sex was good.
he was having a black light party and drinking manischewitz wine out of a three foot tall trophy he stole from mcdonald's...that's when I decided it was time to leave
He just walked in the house and decided to wake everyone up by yelling "I SHIT MYSELF!" We all thought he was joking....we were all wrong.
I have straight up perfected the art of amazing manicures with shaky-as-fuck adderall hands. Also, I'm way too proud of this.
Thanks for having me over last night. Sorry I licked rum off your kitchen floor.
He woke me up holding a gallon of apple juice and a shot glass...
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