He started yelling "fuck the environment" then puked all over the baby trees
You don't understand how difficult it is to give head with cotton mouth
A letter to the campus apologizing for being sucha cunt with a picture of her head on it. All posted around campus.
If is anything like my past relationships, I have no doubt that I will single-handedly reignite the Cold War
Oh wow. I almost tweeted #TweetFromTheBackOfACopCarTuesday but I didn't think it was that appropriate
I wonder how your parents would feel if the scarf they gave me for Christmas is mainly being used for a blindfold during sex...
His arresting officer when they were busting up the squat party recognized him from the anti-drone protest. He was like Jesus kid, you were sober last time.
I'm pretty sure there a million tiny ninjas in my uterus poking me with sticks.
But you can't tell me I give the best blow jobs and then not break up with your girlfriend who has fucking TMJ! Come on!
I woke up in Brittany's thong, Tony's shirt, and an oven mitt
we watched a porno and made a drinking game out of it. best first date ever.
I just found out that there's a bar that has happy hour at 12 pm. It's like the universe doesn't want me to be sober
if you were broke and planning on using koolaid as a tequila chaser which flavor would you pick?
So you can text and rub it at the same time? Bravo.
I can do anything and masturbate, if I truly wanted to.
Stop talking and go back to bed. You're in the kitchen in your underwear and slept in your car.
Randomize
