And I just threw up at the table during Mother's Day Brunch.
it makes me cry that so many people are going to see you naked someday.
Don't judge me. It was less weird than it sounds when we were in the moment and it was his birthday
I'm not giving my ex her earrings back. If some chick i hated gave me brownies i would still eat them. It's the same thing.
Idk yet. Trying to convince him to get a phoenix bird tattoo first
Dude the animal human society told us we could get a dog when we came back sober. I cant wait.
Change of plans I'm coming home and shotgunning all the beer we have.
You. Me. Frosting and a bed. Lets do this.
The cab driver was nice enough to let you finish your beer in the car, but you crossed the line when you started to pee in the empty bottle
Now I'm heckling that my belch is more exciting than their fireworks and I peed down the driveway.
The creepiest man is serenading me at the bar right now. I had about a quarter of a drink left and the bartender just walked over and filled it with vodka and walked away laughing.
Just took physics exam. I think this is one of those 'chuck it in the fuck-it bucket and become an art major' days
As much of a hooker as I am you don't slam where you drink
I just want orgasms and emotional validation. Is that too much to ask?
I seriously thought Satan had his hand up my asshole and was pulling out my soul. Never. Again.
Randomize
