He's so far in the closet he's in Narnia
When I unzipped my pants I said "Release the Cracken"... she dug it so we're getting married soon.
I woke up hungover and opened my laptop to find that i had googled alcoholism again
thanks for stopping by when you did. making a meatball quesadilla while high was a bad choice
Sunburnt clitoris. How do I deal with it.
apparently I kept yelling at her that I wanted t-Rex sized lines. awesome
I maybe just had sex outside in broad daylight. At a state park. Please be proud.
Its gonna be a symphony of fucks
U should just post that picture of u two on facebook with the caption, does anyone know this girl? If so please tell her to take plan b, thanks
As if right now I am a humanitarian. Full story to come in the morning. It involves sex.
The worst part about being a grammar Nazi is all the porn I skip over because the titles are misspelled
Rule #61 of being a lady: never get fingered by a finger with a knuckle tattoo
In retrospect i can confidently say that the last two months of our relationship... i was only in it because i didnt wanna lose my list on his netflix account.
Chasing down vodka with apple juice and crying. Alone.
You had blacked out Skype sex? Wow we live in the future
Randomize
