Ugh now I'll have to carry around an overnight bag to all the bars I visit tonight. but hey! maybe I'll meet a dude! And need it!
when i told him i was pregnant with his baby he texted me 'congradulations'
i pity the fetus.
This boy just came into class wearing sperrys and a polo but also carrying a longboard. I'm unequivocably attracted to his level of doucheyness.
i was like hansel and gretel. i puked a trail from mcdonalds to our place so i could find my way back in the morning
i left him drunk and in the fetal postion in the shower.
was the water running?
yeah but he said he knows how to swim
I do not want to touch your penis after this conversation.
I guess you don't remember pouring tequila in the dog bowl and slurping it.
well, 500 bucks doesn't grown on trees, and i need that bear suit for any chance of vagina access.
Just witnessed my roommate pick her nose and eat it in her sleep. Remember, you made out with that.
you ate the make a wish sign. Like actually chewed on it. It was our solution to going outside when the cops were there
hahahaha what do we need the kangaroos for? please tell me we release them instead of doves
The only person I have to bring is crazy hospital guy
HE'S NOT INVITED!!!
My girlfriend is pregnant with her exs baby. 2014 just became the worst year
I fucking hate humanity. I met a twenty three year old adult with an aol email account today. I'm not sure how those things are related, but I'm sure they are.
I have mystery bruises on my right knee, right arm, under my chin, and on my forehead. What the fuck happened last night??
Randomize
