Well I left you a voicemail but you probably won't be able to hear it because my mic is fucked up. I think you need to come down here and take it in for me.
I hate this phone so bad I'm going to lose all of my friends because of it
Yeah...you probably will...
well, you're marked off my christmas card list for next year.
Go study a dick amy that's outrageous
Whenever ur ready we need breakfast and a psychic.
If we ever start off with margaritas for breakfast and end up naked covered in olive oil...I could think of worse ways to spend a day.
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But first time having sex and he went down on me twice?! I'm gonna marry this guy
I'll make sure to include that in my bridesmaid toast
Exactly. So you're exempt under the "I can't just fuck her to make it go away" clause of 2010.
You got the whole drunk bus to sing, "In The Jungle" while conducting with your glowsticks.
8:30 every morning in the third floor bathroom we fuck in the handicap stall. You have your morning workout and I have mine.
There is a drunk marine passed out on my porch. Mandy wouldn't sleep with him, Can you please come remove him?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm honored that you could tear yourself away from your girlfriend's vagina long enough to text me.
I was standing in my mom's kitchen in only my neon green thong, eating pizza over the garbage can, and sobbing while he was yelling at me.
Like you haven't hit rock bottom until you have had to throw your own turd out a window
Who loses their virginity to fucking Flo Rida
I think about him when I masturbate so I guess you could call it love
Wow first he impregnates you then he won't send you the sex tape you made together? Where has chivalry gone?
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