"Tonight I'm turning swine flu into an std" this might be how zombies come about. Peace civilization.
Its a long story, but I have superglue on my tongue
We should never set our expectations higher than pizza bagels cause then our night is bound to get better
The only piece of furniture in the apartment is a wine rack.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i have this gut feeling friday is going to be interesting.\nAnd by interesting I mean I feel like im going to get punched in the face by his girlfriend.
Ugh. my cast still smells like fermenting hot tub water and bad decisions.
Just say you're the husband at the front desk to get in. She's in room 15 at the ER.
what? who is this?
Her mom walked into the garage as we were smoking a kush blunt with sombreros on.
I need to stop drunkenly getting naked. I'm losing all my favorite party clothes.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm going to give blood tomorrow. Prepare yourself for pictures and a cynical poem about the heart and its level of tangibility.
If I ever see that bitch it is going down flavor of love style
No no no he wouldn't talk to me before I showed his best friend how good I am at twerking
I left him on his mom's lawn after he passed out in my lap and told me my vagina smells like flowers. Couple of the year award
True fear is being unable to remember where you hid your weed and vibrator in your parent's house.
I tired using vodka to remove my makeup
Randomize