I've been congratulating people on facebook about their forthcoming pregnancies. I can't wait to see how this plays out
We were making out in the bushes when some dude comes and starts peeing beside us.
I woke up next to her this morning and couldn't remember her name. Luckily, she had written it on my hand so that I could add her on facebook.
i looked up his schedule, waited outside his classroom, and handed him the receipt for plan b
just wondering who decided to put a cup of throw up in my fridge
It can't be good... The last recollection I have is singing lullabys to his penis
No im the worst roommate ever. Just dump a bucket of water on my head at 8am so i can suffer like i deserve to.
I just watched a guy smoke weed through a French Horn. He is my hero
My doctor wrote down abstinence as my form of birth control. #ihavenodatinglife
Just walked by the barren window naked in a family neighborhood. Who needs dignity.
Drunk me really does appreciate that sober me made a list of movies to watch when drunk it saves so much time
I just got his Save the Dave and, to answer your next question, NO I AM NOT GOING TO THE WEDDING OF THE GUY WHO GOT DRUNK AND CAME ON MY CHEST.
Well I kept shouting "you're groovy" at him and then I had a 15-minute argument with the bouncer about how many 9s there are in 100... it was definitely time to go home.
We're starting to light shit on fire, bring a metal bucket. Be prepared, Jimmy's off his meds.
You went after him with a sword while screaming “FAJITAS!”. And Todd was dressed as a Goth for some reason
Randomize
