Just figured out how to smoke weed with a toaster.
So if we break up over this are you still gonna come over and do my dishes?
All I've consumed over the last couple days is Vanilla Coke, semen, and Coors. I don't think today will be any different.
she's drunk at 2 in the afternoon again. at least my mother is predictable.
she's unstoppable after she starts doing shots and yelling NANNER
I don't care if he was in that porno. He looked like he knew what he was doing.
Ice that vagina down, get some coffee, and try not to walk with a limp. It's time to dominate, pull it together
We got the DJ into it too! "If there are any dudes into other dudes out there, my man mark is looking to get pounded. Buy him a drink stat!"
Yes but funny for a 45 year old hell bent on reliving her college days by giving body shots and hand jobs. Not necessarily in that order
Oh by "being festive" I mean make tacos for dinner.
On a scale of 1 to 10 how concerned should I be
My brother is chasing tequila with vodka. Not sure how it will turn out, but I like his style.
I am officially in a love triangle with my celebrity crush
Oh shit. My bra is undone and I'm pretty sure I peed on my sandal
Omg. I'm living macklemores best life. I have someone's granddads dog, I'm about to have someone's grandmas car. I look incredible.
Randomize
