is there an easy way to say "i didnt plan on sleeping with you until i saw how drunk you were" ?
i love how he claims to not know english but when i ask him to come over and fuck me he's all of a sudden fluent
I left my toothbrush at her house. This is getting way too serious for me.
You brought out the iron board layed it on the ground in the middle of everyone and passed out for the night
Whats the count minus fat chicks?
why the fuck would he compare you to sexy aquatic creatures?
It was drunk tag. I was Alice in wonderland chasing a ballerina who was chasing Lance Armstrong who had needles in his arms.
There was a point where you were singing "Friends in Low Places" to yourself while Juicy J was playing so I got worried.
I was angry that a college kid had a new Audi
so I peed on it
Ok: all ex-gfs except you from the last 5 years have or are about to have a baby...be on the lookout...
Had to snap chat three different people to ask who left the bite mark on my thigh. All three said "Wasn't me". Now I can't wear a bathing suit to my mom's pool.
she's the poster child for how alcoholism can be fun.
Why is there a business card for people who need bail bonds in my wallet...
We drunkenly made out once four years ago and then he immediately vomited and honestly I've never gotten over him
I just wiped my butthole and there was glitter down there.
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