Apparently mediocre decisions were made last night. I woke up alone in my own bed with my fridge defrosted.
And I didn't go to bed alone. I am buckets of fail.
yeah my walk of shame consisted of driving on the wrong side of the road at 6am still drunk with cum drying in my hair and left eye.
She cried. My mom screams. And nut went everywhere. It was all around a bad situation.
oh and if she happens to say anything about a cantalope and tissues... just go with it
I don't not like him. It's just wierd talking to him because we both know I fucked his wife.
All I remember is lecturing my dog about how she's a lucky bitch to have a structured eating and shitting schedule.
I love you more than champagne and correct grammar
At our floor meeting the RA was talking about bathroom hygiene and I really wanted to be like "what about shower sex."
Valid question
Hey super random I have you in my phone as "downtown likes to go fishing girl" haha does that sound like you
This strange Italian man told me he wants to take me for ice cream and kept calling me "tomato" from tinder
I have so many feelings about this burrito
Fuck. What bets did I make about "yeah when the Cubs win the World Series" that I gotta reneg on????
I was very impressed with his ability to carry on a conversation with his friends sitting in the front seat with his hand in my pants, getting a hand job, stoned, with a cigarette in his mouth. I think he's a keeper.
If I die tonight, you and your brother can split my money evenly for college only.
all $38?
I need you to get the emergency bail money out if the stuffed panda and go to the police station tot bail me out. I should be there in 20 minutes.
Randomize
