I haven't worn deodorant in like three days and have been laying around in my underwear listening to music and drinking. I think i've made my own Bonnaroo in my apartment.
He jizzed my face. I had to ask for a washcloth. He ran his underwear under the water and handed them to me. Not so romantic.
I was just about to go down on her when she gave herself a "smell check" and said "no, not today".
You tried to wear your Jesus costume into Family Christian stores and say it was a book signing.
I think im gonna have to stop sexting on the metra. The middle aged businessman behind me just leaned over and whispered 'dirty girl' and highfived his seatmate.
Nicole, you can't keep coming over at 3am wanting to build igloos.
All of the sudden your world had become nothing but the sum of visible dicks. Welcome to life.
He stumbled into my room, flopped on my bed, shoes on my pillow and asked me for a juice box. Then fell asleep with the juice box on his forehead.
Apparently we stole a dog last night. I woke up and it was just staring at me. But we fed it left over KFC for breakfast so it's cool.
I just remembered that last night I seriously contemplated swallowing the cap to my toothpaste
You've got to be fucking kidding me. Do you think "Husband drunkenly pees all over floors" is reasonable grounds for divorce? So pissed off right now.
PUT DOWN THE JOINT AND STEP AWAY FROM THE TRUSTAFARIAN
Just told my roommate about "analvice" and she is horrified and the Sound of Music is ruined.
Is it just me or is it like a girl gets married and all of a sudden she’s a “blogger”?
Fine I’ll come with you but you better tell that guy to wear some longer shorts because the second I see a rogue nut I’m gone
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