She walked in the room and sighed really loudly fishing for attention. but I didn't bite cuz I don't give a fuck what's wrong with her.
she's bipolar. she literally has TWO facebook pages. one for each personality. this. bitch. is. crazy.
No, she passed out instead. I have the worst luck, its like Jesus is mad at me for having the same birthday as him
This is to remind you the pizza is in the dishwasher birthday boy eat it before it goes on
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He said he had a problem he needed to take care of before we got omelets and then showed me his erection.
no drinking for a week
if by week you mean tonight and by no you means yes
im destined to be single forever. i hope its okay if your kids come and hang out with my cats.
8:30 every morning in the third floor bathroom we fuck in the handicap stall. You have your morning workout and I have mine.
Not only is he in the circus, the man survived a near death experience and has an accent. She might as well have found a unicorn. This shit just doesn't happen in real life. Where did she meet this magical creature?
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Not sure how ur night is going, but unless u also saw a naked drunk chick pissing outside i doubt it can top mine
Wrestling for my wallet turned into us almost having sex in the middle of the hallway
Holy shit I've found my last one night stand in my Gran's knitting club
How did you end up breaking into that laundromat at 3am? I saw the snapchat but like..... How?
thank god my bra was in my purse... were all good
I thought it was your cat but I was wrong your Roomba is possessed by a pissed-off evil spirit.
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