this is a family affair. You're an embarrassment.
whatever it's not my family
I feel like Captain Blackout doesn't do her justice. Brigadier General Blackout is much better.
I don't know what's worse....that fact that my dog ate my vibrator or that he later puked it up on my bed
Now go wash the fat girl off your hands.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I am sweating out the vodka to make room for the whiskey tonight.
Im in your car brotha dog. Its was unlocked, so im gonna sleep in it. well i mean i think its your car be your car.
I sent her 8 pictures of my dick in a baked potato. Not sure how I thought that would get me laid later.
This gem of a conversation has been brought to you be weed
I missed rounds this morning...my senior resident hooked me up to and IV and made me stay in the clinic because he said I didn't look presentable enough to walk around the hospital
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I thought this guy walking back to the dorms with his black laundry bag was walking a black flamingo I'm not even kidding I had to take a break on a bench after that.
You're my favorite person
Call me and get me out of this conversation NOW. My coworker is talking to me about her birds having sex again...
Your life has no conflict it's just a blur of sex and Netflix
How do I say "I want to suck your balls" in a classy but sexy way,
There's a set of buzz lightyear wings in lost and found at work. I just need access to your roof.
Woke up this morning with a plate of ravioli in my bed. Who says being single can't be fun?
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