I might be drunk enough to make out with you. You don't want to miss this unique opportunity.
Haha so you are never gonna want to meet my mom now...she just found your thong in her front seat
I would really like to get high with Bill Nye. I'm being dead serious. Every step I take is literally a step I take because it will take me closer to Science Guy high.
We could get him to build Inspector Gadget.
I didn't know you were high TOOOO!!!
She was kinda tragic... like a puppy that runs into things. Cute but really stupid. So, yeah, I hit it.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I mean I woke up wearing my bathing suit which blows my mind
No it's cool, He's been doing my English papers in exchange for lap dances since the eleventh grade. We're very professional.
I think that "I fucked your little brother" wasn't the best way to introduce yourself.....
Did you get an erection too during Paul Ryan's speech?
Nothing says "lifelong friendship" like FaceTiming in a sex shop.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
antibiotics and champagne: breakfast of champions
I snapchatted his face mid sex. Needless to say, I don't think I'll ever see him again.
Just kidding. Don't worry, you're getting sugar and orgasms for Valentine's day.
You came into the club around midnight with a carton of tropicana o.j. & said you were starting a revolution.
This chick just walked out of the men's room with molly all over her nose and her shirt half unbuttoned. She nodded to all of us and said "gentlemen" as she exited
He was calculating the number of ceiling tiles when I was on top it was fucking rain man.
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