after giving me morning oral, he left saying "hate to eat and run but..." oh yeah, he's getting a second date.
After the sixth shot I started to slur my pauses.
He left an unopened 12 pack of beer by my bed. I guess that's his way of saying thanks for the sex..
I'm at the bass pro shop. They have a river full of trout and turtles, a shooting range, a full bar, and the patriots cheerleaders are here. I now understand why people are rednecks. I may never leave
Dave a horae rider a coqw boy
Crumbling up chips, putting them in salsa, eating with spoon. New level of stoner fatassery. Its so genius/delicous i'm not even ashamed
could you clean the juice and feathers off my bed I'm just not up for hangover cleaning.
You fell out of your barstool, I tried to help you but you said if I got any closer I'd be drinking my meals through a straw, So there you sat.
I.V.'s should just be available for purchase at Walmart. God I'm dehydrated.
I really hope your new roommate never finds out we had a threesome with a bisexual British guy in his room the night before he moved in.
What not to say at an interview: i can wrap the shit out of some food.
Drunk at work, covered in Cheetos is no way to go through life.
I found Cheetos.
Other than unclothed paranormal encounters, how has your day been
He's getting so into these sexts, I hate to tell him I'm fully clothes, watching Bring It On and eating chips and salsa.
Blunts beyotch
What? Joints? Blunts?
I'll refer you to my previous text: "Blunts beyotch"
Randomize
