I may be the first guy in history to get dome while watching An Extremely Goofy Movie.
Just TALKING to him is better than banging my bf, imagine what actual banging will be like.
Correct me if I'm wrong but the photo album titles "cause I've been drankin" and "baby jessica" should not belong to the same person.
We had sex in front of Notre Dame Cathedral, but I lost my wallet. God giveth and God taketh away.
Go to petsmart and tell me if the dog trainer is the guy I slept with friday. Thanks.
he built a boat made of joints. holyyy shit
Dude I swear I heard "geet out!!!" when I went down on her. I shouldve listened.
If I can't pick up a cat lady, I probably need to turn to Internet dating.
I only saw you for about 5 min, but you were rambling about how not even the whiskey could make you fight the skeleton guards.
If I had pants on, you wouldn't be getting this text message
You haven't lived until you've watched a retriever try to bring back the condom you just threw in its master's garbage
We both got free alcohol and got laid by foreign men last night.
I'm not going out again for the rest of my life. I can't top this.
It is unclear if my flaming esophagus is hangover induced.
So none of you told me my tits were popping out of my shirt for three hours?
We told you. Repeatedly. You said you made it look good.
And to be clear I have only watched porn like 3 times at work
Randomize
