I knew I shouldn't have slept with her...my dick looks like a stegosaurus tail
At the miami airport. Don't know if it's all the tequila I drank in cozumel or the 5 year olds french accent but I might puke.
What's the point of being healthy if people still don't want to fuck you?
You blinded her by spitting vodka in her eyes, the vodka you had just taken as a body shot off of her.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He made me write my name on his wall in crayon so he'd be able to remember it in the morning
Oh yes. Made out with a grandmother..... she had fake boobs and it was 330am. That makes it okay.
Mardi gras at its finest.
Some kid just popped open a giant PBR and walked into his final...
We BOTH lost our virginities there. It's basically a landmark.
She broke up with me after I spent the whole day speaking in nothing but Marshawn Lynch quotes.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
he just ran into my room in his giant penis costume yelling "supercock to the rescue"... I am still in total shock
So why exactly are your shoes in my freezer?
I just compared my relationship to that double ended dong scene from Requiem. This day just took a turn.
I'm just glad you didn't end up in Staten Island
I woke up naked holding a taco. My ass couldn't even make it to my bed let alone Staten Island
I am so so sorry I bit your butt last night. Twice.
Oh god I found a set of car keys in my pocket, and I have no idea who's they are
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