walking home from your place the other day I saw a man with a ponytail sitting on some church steps petting a plant
he should get drunk with us
"Morning after" poops are always like, interesting.
My breakfast consisted of a slimfast and an adderal. My fridge is like an insecurity buffet.
So when we opened his headboard we found a bottle of crisco sitting on top of his porn magazines.
I guess we all know what he was cookin.
i woke up on my kitchen floor, halfway through a text, and my mascara running... this is why i stopped drinking tequila
He took naked pictures of me and told me if I ever got to the Disney Channel level of fame he would help me out. I think i'm in love
He makes me wish my vagina was bigger... This must be what love feels like.
its fine. mom just made me chug a long island. and made a crying face when i balked. we'll talk tomorrow.
Omg I just met another drunk guy that is teaching me karate
Thanks, college. Tonight's decisions brought to you by margs in a nalgene.
ugh... fuck pirate breakfast. my head is like thirsty.
I got inside last night via doggy door
I have aggressive nipples.
I didn't realize how much I relied on you for a reason to drink on tuesday
You mentioned his name and i threw up a little.
Randomize
