You just compared our sex life to a seven year old kid.
so he shaved. down there. and before he took his pants off i thought it was hot but then all i could think about were the naked mole rats from 7 grade science class.
Jake just asked if thanksgiving was an american thing...I left the table
The best part of listening to lady gaga while high is that any word your brain puts in is right.
I HAVE FLAVORED BLOW. THIS SHOULD NOT EXISIT.
Dude.. You paid a stripper $50 to listen to you cry last night.
I think "I actually like giving blow jobs better" qualifies her as a keeper
tonight were gonna drink champagne and watch girls put themselves in awkward position
just woke up on my patio with a mouse eating cheetos off mys chest. youre all assholes.
As we were leaving a memorial service last night he turns to me and says, is it too soon for a post funeral blowie?
I'm the only person I know who could have actual sex and then dream about my vibrator.
Guy running next to me at the gym is judging me. I think he can smell the whiskey leaking out of my pores.
Thanks for duct tapping my dick to my leg while I was passed out. I could only aim straight down. I stood on your bed. Have a nice day at work!
just woke up to an abnormally swollen ankle (broken, perhaps?) and a shirtless man with the most beautiful abs I've ever seen sleeping on my floor.
is your ankle ok??
WHY IS HE ON THE FLOOR. SINCE WHEN DOES BLACKOUT ME ALSO COCKBLOCK ME
Grandma said I got a good handjob. I think she meant manicure.
Randomize
