I just ate 3 burrito supremes and a crunchwrap...can't feel feet...I think I have diabetes
i am so afraid to go to the bathroom. i am afraid i am going to fall asleep on the toillet.
Special does not even begin to describe that text.
after we had sex he went grocery shopping. at 6 am. i've never been more confused in my life
Dude they even gave me free lube for being tested! Best. Hiv test. EVER.
This escort grabbed my boyfriends ass and it became clear, he fucked pretty much anything he could find prior to dating me.
We had sex under a tree in his boss's backyard, then I hooked up with his best friend. I don't even care how I got home.
Did i mention i'm like the equivilent of a prepubescent boy suffering from preejaculacy? I just about creamed my pants when he grabbed my hand..
Was having a panic attack, but I'm out of xanax. Substituting with vodka shots and breathing exercises. My therapist will be proud, yes?
Yes. No, I'm basically a superhero but with drugs. I'm robin hood. I steal from the rich (insurance and drug companies) and give to the poor (everyone I know).
Remind me to tell you a really funny story about me and arson.
ask me again when I'm sobewr aka tuesday
I've never seen an uncircumcised penis. I mean in person. I've clearly seen an uncircumcised penis. I have the google.
I wish my nipples were as well behaved as yours.
I thought you were dead but then you asked me if your tits looked good. They did.
have fuck
*fun
actually forget it have a fuck too it'll do you good
Randomize
