yeah so this exboyfriend of yours reckons you're still together and he punched me in the face cos i slept with you last week. you might wanna have a word with him or at a minimum change your facebook status.
Googled "can you put dry ice in your drink?" I'm safee
There are rumors he has a square penis....ill do anything though....
My dad got me a charm braclet....his way of trying to support my gayness....
It would just be icing on the fucked up cake we're baking, if he got me pregnant.
Well I'm in the bathtub smoking a bowl and eating doritos and frosting so I might not be the one to advise you on this shit but I'll try.
Sleeping in a car was not on my list of plans for the night.
These freshman guys were trying to holler at me from their window, and I realized about 20 minutes too late that the best possible reaction at that time would've been screaming "FLACCID PENIS". Oh, and I found this awesome zombie charm bracelet you would love.
ORGASMS AND PIZZA
PIZZA AND ORGASMS
he just sent me a dick pic, it highly resembled a cheese stick
Dude I'm hungover as fuck in a bed in Baltimore with another man... I don't think I can make it.
I have a knack for carnage and poetic language.
We fucked like animals on that lion king beanbag chair that your mom got you for your 10th bday
God damn. You sleep with one 40 year old married dude and suddenly you have “daddy issues”. Fuck all of you.
I just got to my parents hungover as hell. My dad could tell and said "theres only one cure for a hangover" and handed me a beer. This morning went from a 0 to 10 in an instant.
Randomize
