my roommate just said, "don't look at it, just put it iin your mouth"
yeah he didnt know till after their one year. You have no idea how bad i wanna say "dude i sucked on those boobs before you"
he just came in and straightened the chair and left again
the tv said "its small, its comfortable..." and i started laughing... safe to say he lost any dignity he had left...
I don't mean to ruin your favorite Disney movie...but...we both came when Mufasa died.
As far as drugs go, alcohol has all the elegance and precision of hitting yourself in the head with a hammer.
I yelled kanye while he was fucking me. It just felt right
I HAVE to find her. I've got a pretty decent pic of her footprint on my headboard. Wonder if I can get one of the podiatry majors to help?
I still feel like a bad person. A shoulder to cry on became a dick to suck.
I think I'm just going to go like every guy on tinder who has a jetski. I'm doing this for us, Summer is coming.
I tried smoking while wearing a horse mask, it was the worst thing I've ever smelled
I'd like to preapologize if you or your mom see me naked at some point this weekend.
I just want to order a very large pizza and get very drunk and very laid.
Just found $31 in my desk drawer. In $1's. WTF happened last night?!
Someone threw up pink in the shower, there's a golf cart tipped over on the lawn and Cousin Brian is missing. What could Friday night throw at us?
Randomize
