so im in the parking lot of taco bell eating a taco...and some girl just got out of a car and screamed at the top of her lungs "XANEX FOR SALE!!!!" i fucking love Hamilton.
Just because i have a masturbation problem doesnt mean you can put 20 photos of Jesus in my room.
Karaoke into a bottle of boones. dear summer in alabama, glad to see you again.
Quick question... Can I call you daddy? Or would that just really made the whole 8 year age gap a bigger deal...?
Apparently after taking body shots off of a guy i haven't seen since 1st grade, i ate a stick of butter, showed everyone my tampon string, and fell off the boat. my uggs belong to the sea now
Is it love? I honestly haven't even thought about watching porn for over a week now, and haven't thought about fucking any strangers either. It's quite eerie.
I'm not throwing down for dinner because I plan to have so much tequila I puke it up anyways. How much is a cab home?
The penis is a tricky weapon to use. When using it as leverage you have to make it seem emotional. I'd rather use it as a club sometimes.
May the one with the liver that just won't quit win
It's cool, I power napped on the dryer while they were fucking in the bathroom so I'm good to go now. Where are you?
I think my body is literally trying to get me to reproduce. "fuck someone! Anyone!" - my body
For the past year I have been the most responsible I have ever been in my entire life and now spring break is here and there is free penis just traipsing around my entire town. The game is afoot.
I lost my pants last night, she told me I walked into their room after leaving 5 minutes before wearing my thong.....and no pants. I have absolutely no idea where I left them.
You fell while talking to a cop, then proceeded to acuse him of tripping you... he was arresting you for public intox.
Why am I not drinking beer at 8:26am is the question
Randomize
