I would do things to you that would get us burned at the stake if we lived in a puritan village.
sometimes i wish i could just stick a turkey baster up there and suck out the blood
They just gave us root beer floats. I guess I won't quit my job today.
So after I pop out this baby we need to just go on a monthlong coke binge so I can get skinny again before vegas
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Last night the nurse at the ER told me that she wished all her drunk patients were like me. Then she commented on my socks...
So I just learned that my father was teaching me rules for drinking games when I was 5.
You offered me some of your "Jungle Juice." It was just 151 and Absinthe. I don't know how you are still alive.
Can I bring home a duck? Dead serious
I was drunk petting a fox and taking shots of Jager. That's about as outdoorsy as it gets.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
nothing like going to the bathroom, running into the wall, thinking its a person and saying"its ok i just had the 4 beers" even the wall knew i was lying
All you have to do is speak. Your voice reverberates strait to my vagina.
Actually here it's more "lie around naked in a dark room" weather.
I'm not trying to take your husband away from you, but can we have another 3way soon? I'm just desperate for good dick.
How many times do I have to tell you I'm not bisexual.
.....unless there is alcohol involved
if I start to respond to these political texts with a middle finger emoji - do you think they will get the hint?
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